Anyone who has ever lived and dated in Los Angeles knows how difficult it can be to find a mate. Most of the men run around with Peter Pan syndrome, and there are plenty of distractions for all. I moved to Los Angeles when I was 29 years old from Dallas, TX, while most of my friends were having babies, I was ending an eight year toxic and thankfully childless marriage, on a mission to heal and then find myself in a healthy relationship with a man who would do anything to have a beautiful family with me. Hence, my long-term mission became #MakeMeAMommy.
Moving to LA was probably not the best place to find Mr. Right-Best-Near-Future-Daddy-Ever, but it was a good place for me on a professional and creative level. When I was 34 and newly dumped after a year-long relationship of wasted baby making time, I found myself bitching out a guy on a first date. He was in his late 30’s, and said he maybe wanted kids sometime in the distant future but not anytime soon. Mind you, he was one of the many guys aged 30-45 with whom I found myself on dates, who all said that same exact thing, and I was fed up to my eyeballs sick of it! The number of dates I went on with each of them decreased over time, as I realized to say “Bye!” to them sooner and sooner.
I was mad. I was mad for myself and for my many single girlfriends in their late 30’s who also wanted families. I was mad at all the guys wasting our time. I was mad at all the people wondering and judging why women my age (especially LA women) ended up with guys that are much older. I’ll tell you why…too many Peter Pans in LA disrespecting our ticking clocks. Seriously, to all the Peter Pans out there…date younger women and stop wasting the precious last baby-making years of amazing women 30+!
I believe that if a person is intelligent, healthy, and a good human being, they have a duty to pro-create. The world needs more humans that are raised by good humans. That was old me, who felt very self-righteous and also may have had a slightly flawed perspective…it turns out, if someone does not want to have children right now, they should really not be having children right now! (P.S. I have many beautiful, talented, smart, fun, amazing single girlfriends that are looking for Mr. Right-Best-Near-Future-Daddy-Ever so if you know of any eligible good humans please let me know!)
I digress…somehow, by the grace of God or the Universe, after saying no to a bunch of “not-wanting-to-have-children-right-now” dudes and maybe a few “wanting-to-but-crazy” dudes, I said “Hello Handsome!” to my match, my Mr. Right-Best-Near-Future-Daddy-Ever, Ben, as I was coming upon my 35th birthday. I was instructed by my co-worker, “You need to call Ben.” So I did. He was on the East Coast, and our first conversation was great, and he ended it with “I have to go back on TV now, but I will call you when I’m done.” (More about that later.)
A feast of “First'“s: Our first weekend meeting in person, Ben’s first visit to the magical Venice Canals (even though he lived in Pasadena for 18 years!), and Ben’s first trip back to LA since moving to the East Coast.
And he did…granted I was still at work, but we ended up talking for over a combined hour or so that first night and really hit it off. We shared deal breakers, and then, on that first night, on the phone, West Coast to East Coast, is when I told him that I want to be a mommy immediately, within reason of building a healthy foundation and there being attraction, and that I was not interested in dating or talking to anyone who did not want to have children or was unsure about it. He said we could keep talking. And we did…and so it began!
